i wait for solitude
to complete my tasks
unburdened by observation
or interruption,
but when i’m finally alone,
the grief takes hold.
it roots me
to the spot,
aware
but unable to act –
trapped in the cage
i built for my feelings,
overrun with emotions
i never have time to understand.
i mourn the loss of solitude
far ahead of its arrival;
i mourn the loneliness
that takes its place.
i mourn the choices i’ve made
and the ones i never will,
but especially those still before me.
so when i’m alone,
the grief won’t let me choose at all,
because it knows the time is brief
until i leave the cage to perform again.